Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Old is the new Young
Something occurred to me the other day...I'm not young! And I don't really know when that happened. I know that when I was in my early thirties I felt relativly young, so it follows that somewhere between here and there, I got old...no that's not right...not old...I got "Not Young". I can't say I feel old...just...not young. So I decided to analyze the things that happened in the last few years to see if I could identify the "Not Young" moment.
So, things that happened during that time period:
I got married...Nope! That's not it. My wife's eleven years younger than me. If anything, that actually makes me feel younger. (wink, wink) I'm actually a young 44 and she is a mature 33 so it works...Of course it also helps that I am brutally immature.
I had children...Nope! Not it either. They also make me feel young. I've totally reconnected with all of my old toys. Hell, I can't tell you how many HotWheels I've bought this year. And don't even get me started on my 1975 VertiBird. That chopper flies straight and true. They're also a great excuse to repeatedly watch all those Pixar movies I've collected over the years. Oh Elastigirl, how I love thee, let me count the ways. Oh yea, and suddenly burping is fun again! I'm actually feeling younger as I type. Burrrrp!
I've gotten gray hair...Actually, that one hurts. It actually makes my head look strange. Who wants white sideburns? And forget growing a beard. The wiskers come in thick but they're invisible to the naked eye. You need one of those purple flashlights and orange glasses like they use on CSI. So if I want that unshaven, Colin Farrell look, only the chicks at Las Vegas PD are going to notice. To everyone else I end up look like one of those scuzzy old guys you see buying a pocket bottle of Old Granddad at the Quickie Mart on Sunday morning. And that's another thing...I used to get carded all the time when I bought alcohol. Now that the snow's started building up on the roof, nothin'! Not even a second look. Now they just assume I'm buying it for some punk kids waiting around the corner. And that's just not true...but I do feel younger thinking about the days when I was the punk kid waiting around the corner...Beno!
What's next?
I bought a house. You know...that doesn't make me feel so old but the back pain I get from constantly re-building it does. I hate back pain. It started years ago when I lifted my childhood dog into the car. He weighed 80 pounds and and the manufacturer's limit on my back must have been 70 pound. My back hasn't been the same since. The most recent bout was just a week ago. I was leaning into the car (it's always cars) and picking something out of the diaper bag and wham! Thank God I bought a house to convalesce in. I wish I had bought a house earlier in life. My two great regrets are not having kids sooner and not buying a house sooner. My job never let me stay in one place more than a year or two but it would have been nice (the house, not the kids). It's such an easy way to make money. Maybe not in the present market but I have high hopes for my three acres over the next 20 years.
Reflecting on this, I am beginning to think that the "Not Young" status is really a function of the number "4". There is just something about starting your age with a number larger than 3 that makes it hard to believe you're young. I mean, I don't act "Old". I kick the ball. I watch "The Incredibles" at least once a day. I eat chocolate pudding...with my finger. I can't tell you how much time I spend at the park...And no, not with a bottle of Old Granddad...well, not lately anyway. No, seriously, I'm workin' the slide and pushing the Dex Man in the swing! Dude, if they ever put swing pushing in the summer games, I am so gonna' medal.
While I don't think I'll ever get back to "young", with a little carefull thought and maybe some sit-ups, hopefully I can hang on to "Not Old" for a long time. Burrrrp! Ah...There's a little youth for ya!
Something occurred to me the other day...I'm not young! And I don't really know when that happened. I know that when I was in my early thirties I felt relativly young, so it follows that somewhere between here and there, I got old...no that's not right...not old...I got "Not Young". I can't say I feel old...just...not young. So I decided to analyze the things that happened in the last few years to see if I could identify the "Not Young" moment.
So, things that happened during that time period:
I got married...Nope! That's not it. My wife's eleven years younger than me. If anything, that actually makes me feel younger. (wink, wink) I'm actually a young 44 and she is a mature 33 so it works...Of course it also helps that I am brutally immature.
I had children...Nope! Not it either. They also make me feel young. I've totally reconnected with all of my old toys. Hell, I can't tell you how many HotWheels I've bought this year. And don't even get me started on my 1975 VertiBird. That chopper flies straight and true. They're also a great excuse to repeatedly watch all those Pixar movies I've collected over the years. Oh Elastigirl, how I love thee, let me count the ways. Oh yea, and suddenly burping is fun again! I'm actually feeling younger as I type. Burrrrp!
I've gotten gray hair...Actually, that one hurts. It actually makes my head look strange. Who wants white sideburns? And forget growing a beard. The wiskers come in thick but they're invisible to the naked eye. You need one of those purple flashlights and orange glasses like they use on CSI. So if I want that unshaven, Colin Farrell look, only the chicks at Las Vegas PD are going to notice. To everyone else I end up look like one of those scuzzy old guys you see buying a pocket bottle of Old Granddad at the Quickie Mart on Sunday morning. And that's another thing...I used to get carded all the time when I bought alcohol. Now that the snow's started building up on the roof, nothin'! Not even a second look. Now they just assume I'm buying it for some punk kids waiting around the corner. And that's just not true...but I do feel younger thinking about the days when I was the punk kid waiting around the corner...Beno!
What's next?
I bought a house. You know...that doesn't make me feel so old but the back pain I get from constantly re-building it does. I hate back pain. It started years ago when I lifted my childhood dog into the car. He weighed 80 pounds and and the manufacturer's limit on my back must have been 70 pound. My back hasn't been the same since. The most recent bout was just a week ago. I was leaning into the car (it's always cars) and picking something out of the diaper bag and wham! Thank God I bought a house to convalesce in. I wish I had bought a house earlier in life. My two great regrets are not having kids sooner and not buying a house sooner. My job never let me stay in one place more than a year or two but it would have been nice (the house, not the kids). It's such an easy way to make money. Maybe not in the present market but I have high hopes for my three acres over the next 20 years.
Reflecting on this, I am beginning to think that the "Not Young" status is really a function of the number "4". There is just something about starting your age with a number larger than 3 that makes it hard to believe you're young. I mean, I don't act "Old". I kick the ball. I watch "The Incredibles" at least once a day. I eat chocolate pudding...with my finger. I can't tell you how much time I spend at the park...And no, not with a bottle of Old Granddad...well, not lately anyway. No, seriously, I'm workin' the slide and pushing the Dex Man in the swing! Dude, if they ever put swing pushing in the summer games, I am so gonna' medal.
While I don't think I'll ever get back to "young", with a little carefull thought and maybe some sit-ups, hopefully I can hang on to "Not Old" for a long time. Burrrrp! Ah...There's a little youth for ya!
// posted by Chris @ Wednesday, January 30, 2008
