Monday, September 13, 2004
"Trying to eliminate Saddam .. would have incurred incalculable human and political costs. Apprehending him was probably impossible ... We would have been forced to occupy Baghdad and, in effect, rule Iraq ...there was no viable "exit strategy" we could see, violating another of our principles. Furthermore, we had been self-consciously trying to set a pattern for handling aggression in the post-Cold War world. Going in and occupying Iraq, thus unilaterally exceeding the United Nations' mandate, would have destroyed the precedent of international response to aggression that we hoped to establish. Had we gone the invasion route, the United States could conceivably still be an occupying power in a bitterly hostile land."
-George H. W. Bush, in his memoirs, A World Transformed, written more than five years ago. If only his son could read.
-George H. W. Bush, in his memoirs, A World Transformed, written more than five years ago. If only his son could read.
// posted by Chris @ Monday, September 13, 2004
Give me a "D"...
The Olympics are over and I'm sad to say, they were as boring as usual. I've never really understood why the Summer Olympics drag on so. Now, the winter Olympics rock. I think it's a speed issue. It's tough to find a winter sport that doesn't go at least 20 mph. And I'll tell you, you cover a guy with a rubber suit and put him on a tiny sled going 70+ and you've really got one of the premiere stupid white guy sports of all time. You know beer had to have something to do with that one.
I heard an interesting fact the other day on the radio. Traditionally, 80% of sports viewers are male yet where the Summer Olympics are concerned, 60% of viewers are women. That got me thinking. What do day-to-day sports have that the Olympics don't have. Then it hit me...Enormous Breasts. (Of course, When I say it hit me, I mean that the idea hit me, not Enormous Breasts. Although, I'm not necessarily against the idea.) Think about it. The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, The Laker Girls, The kissing Bandit, The girls of the WWF...It's all about Jugs in D-cups.(Of course, that only applies if you're dumb enough to consider pro wrestling a sport)
Now, Let's go back to the Summer Olympics. Volleyball...Flat as a board. You can't spike a ball with a pair of D's unless you're wearing a full face helmet. In fact, I think that's actually a regulation. Now take the Marathon...Nothin' up there...Those chicks don't even menstruate. Weight lifting...C'mon...That's a dude, man! And don't even get me going on Gymnastics. If you added all those gals up you couldn't come up with one decent boob. (Right now my mom is probably calling me an "indecent boob".) I've seen bigger breasts on a boy's choir.
I think the International Olympic Committee needs to add a whole new category. The "D-cup division." (Sponsored by Dow Corning, of course) Think of the ratings. Half the broadcast would be in slow motion! And don't think this is just the ravings of a girl-ogling jug head. I'm talking about advanced athletic technique. Imagine a young hottie diving onto the uneven parallel bars sportin' a big set of jumblies. Not only does it introduce a whole new set of mass-inertia equations, but it brings the element of timing to a whole new level. You get out of sync with those bad boys, and you could put somebody's eye out! I can just imagine Howard Stern and Hugh Hefner doing color commentary. After the "D-cup" trampoline competition, Hef would turn to Howard and say, "You know Howard...I've had some experience with this sport and let me tell you, that was gold metal, right there...What's her number? I think she's contestant 346, Hef. No, no, what's her phone number."
I think the solution is to blend the two concepts we've discussed here today. You take a few of those "D-cup" gymnasts, wrap'em in a rubber suit, strap'em on a sled...No wait...a high speed rowing skull! Yea, with a Chevy V-8 on the back. Hell, throw in some warm baby oil...a few beers... No...wait...In a gesture to college girls everywhere, make it Beringer's White Zinfandel. There you go. Now there's a summer Olympic sport even the Gods of Olympia could get behind. Ya know, I wonder if that's where they got the idea for Olympia Beer? I'm sensing a connection!
The Olympics are over and I'm sad to say, they were as boring as usual. I've never really understood why the Summer Olympics drag on so. Now, the winter Olympics rock. I think it's a speed issue. It's tough to find a winter sport that doesn't go at least 20 mph. And I'll tell you, you cover a guy with a rubber suit and put him on a tiny sled going 70+ and you've really got one of the premiere stupid white guy sports of all time. You know beer had to have something to do with that one.
I heard an interesting fact the other day on the radio. Traditionally, 80% of sports viewers are male yet where the Summer Olympics are concerned, 60% of viewers are women. That got me thinking. What do day-to-day sports have that the Olympics don't have. Then it hit me...Enormous Breasts. (Of course, When I say it hit me, I mean that the idea hit me, not Enormous Breasts. Although, I'm not necessarily against the idea.) Think about it. The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, The Laker Girls, The kissing Bandit, The girls of the WWF...It's all about Jugs in D-cups.(Of course, that only applies if you're dumb enough to consider pro wrestling a sport)
Now, Let's go back to the Summer Olympics. Volleyball...Flat as a board. You can't spike a ball with a pair of D's unless you're wearing a full face helmet. In fact, I think that's actually a regulation. Now take the Marathon...Nothin' up there...Those chicks don't even menstruate. Weight lifting...C'mon...That's a dude, man! And don't even get me going on Gymnastics. If you added all those gals up you couldn't come up with one decent boob. (Right now my mom is probably calling me an "indecent boob".) I've seen bigger breasts on a boy's choir.
I think the International Olympic Committee needs to add a whole new category. The "D-cup division." (Sponsored by Dow Corning, of course) Think of the ratings. Half the broadcast would be in slow motion! And don't think this is just the ravings of a girl-ogling jug head. I'm talking about advanced athletic technique. Imagine a young hottie diving onto the uneven parallel bars sportin' a big set of jumblies. Not only does it introduce a whole new set of mass-inertia equations, but it brings the element of timing to a whole new level. You get out of sync with those bad boys, and you could put somebody's eye out! I can just imagine Howard Stern and Hugh Hefner doing color commentary. After the "D-cup" trampoline competition, Hef would turn to Howard and say, "You know Howard...I've had some experience with this sport and let me tell you, that was gold metal, right there...What's her number? I think she's contestant 346, Hef. No, no, what's her phone number."
I think the solution is to blend the two concepts we've discussed here today. You take a few of those "D-cup" gymnasts, wrap'em in a rubber suit, strap'em on a sled...No wait...a high speed rowing skull! Yea, with a Chevy V-8 on the back. Hell, throw in some warm baby oil...a few beers... No...wait...In a gesture to college girls everywhere, make it Beringer's White Zinfandel. There you go. Now there's a summer Olympic sport even the Gods of Olympia could get behind. Ya know, I wonder if that's where they got the idea for Olympia Beer? I'm sensing a connection!
// posted by Chris @ Monday, September 13, 2004
